Since the pandemic, I have been making and delivering gourmet seafood dishes for money, instead of begging magazines to let me write what I wanna write.

I published around 170 separate pieces of writing this year.

1. Before beginning my Famous People I Have Met series, I worked for several years compiling memories and lists. In January 2020, I finally took up the challenge of writing 140 essays about the 140 famous musicians, actors, and politicians I’d met. A couple weeks into it, George Floyd was killed, and writing about famous people felt like the silliest thing in the world I could be doing. Still, I trudged forward, committed to the challenge. Then the pandemic started and it seemed even sillier. But like doing pushups in…


A little crosseyed tuxedo kitten with a big tag on its collar showed up Saturday morning in our sleepy Algiers neighborhood across from Federal City. The adorable scamp wouldn’t stay out of our house, and out of our own tuxedo cat’s food.

But when my partner called the number on the tag, the man who answered said, “Cat? I don’t know nothin bout no cat.”

We let the cat play in our house a bit longer before my partner took a photo of her eating our cat’s food and — thinking maybe she’d dialed wrong the first time — texted…


(I did not try to get this published; I don’t desire to befoul anyone’s name, or kick them when they are down. This is simply a culturally-relevant diary entry.)

I met The Cancelled Author (CA) years before the world cancelled him. I’d read two of his quite good books before having dinner with him in San Francisco one night. His literary efforts mostly detailed his brutal childhood, bouncing between foster homes where he was physically and psychologically abused, leading to an adulthood as a sexual masochist. I myself had an objectively easy life with OK parents who beat me only…


I saw with 100% sincerity: Ian Mackaye (Minor Threat/Fugazi/The Evens) is always right.

I love Ian MacKaye to this day. To the untrained eye, the former Minor Threat and Fugazi frontman may give off a vaguely Henry Rollins macho vibe from some angles, but Ian’s Dischord Records label has put out some of America’s best music, and he’s championed some extremely healthy cultural and economic ideals. And though overly opinionated, Ian is always right about everything. Everything. I’ve never disagreed with him. Whether or not I live my life the way he prescribes, I feel Ian MacKaye is simply never wrong.

In the years after Katrina though, my partner and I got particularly…


John Lurie and Dennis Hopper on the set of Fishing With John

I received a Jazz and Heritage Foundation grant to record three episodes of a Louisiana fishing show for the radio — a strange concept, not getting to see the fish. My idea was to fill in the blank spaces with coastal reporting, so that the show would give people information wrapped in visceral fun. I called it infotainment

Inevitably, any time I discussed my radio fishing show idea aloud, someone mentioned the series Fishing With John, starring original New York hipster, musician, actor (most famously Down By Law), painter, and sufferer of Lyme disease, John Lurie. …


  1. A Karen in the Wild

On the beach across from the Cajun Holiday Motel where we always stay when fishing Grand Isle, my daughter Cleo and I experienced a Karen in the wild. We’d bought takeout dinner and carried it across the street to a path that led to a sand dune where we’d sit and stare at the ocean as we ate. Grand Isle has many open paths to the ocean, but some of them remain private, though the private paths lack labels, and look just as open. As we two walked up the path, a white lady on…


by Michael Patrick Welch. Written every weekday from Jan.-May 2020

Because Medium has a paywall, I dumped every single entry into a 100% free blog. Below is a list of all the famous people documented. Click the links to jump to each fun, funny vignette. The stars by each name denote the encounter’s meaningfulness, with three stars being most meaningful. Please consider tipping the writer MPW at his Venmo or PayPal.

#

2 Live Crew (1998)

A

Alice In Chains (1994)

Alicia Keys (2013)

***Allen Toussaint (2011)

Anderson Cooper (2007)

**Andre 3000 (1998)

**Ani DiFranco (2003, 2012, 2016)

B

**Baby & Slim of Cash Money Records (2019)

**Dr. Ben Carson (2017)

Big Boy from OutKast (2011)

Big Daddy Kane (2003)

**Big Freedia (2004–2008)

**Billy Gibbons (2002, 2007)

**Bill Murray (2010)

***Black Francis (1991)

Bobcat Goldthwait (1998)

Bonnie Raitt (2003) 50

Brad & Angelina (2006)

Bret Easton Ellis (2013)

C

Cee Lo & Goodie MOB (1996)

*****Chuck D (2007)

Cliff & AC/DC (1987)

***Craig Wedren & Shudder to Think (2009)

Cut Creator (1999)

D

**Daryl Hall (2013)

Dave Eggers (1999–2007)

David Simon (2011, 2019)

Dear Mr Roth (98–2000?)

**Dio (1998)

Doug E Fresh (1998)

G

**Greg Dulli (1994–2010)

***GWAR (2004)

H

Harry Shearer (2005, 2015)

I

***Ian Svenonius (1997, 2012)

J

**J Mascis & Dinosaur Jr. (1992)

Jello Biafra (2006)

**Jesus Lizard (1999–2019)

***Jimmy Hart (1999)

**Jimmy Swaggart (2001)

**John Oates (2013)

Jonathan Ames (1998–2019)

K

***Kim Deal (1991)

**Kool Keith (2012)

L

**Luke Skywalker aka Uncle Luther Campbell

Lupita Nyong’o (2013)

M

Magnolia Shorty (2010)

***Mannie Fresh (2011)

***Method Man (2000)

Mike Mills of REM (2008)

**Morris Day (2012)

N

**Natalie Merchant (1992)

P

Pharrell (2004)

Prince Paul (1997)

Q

Quintron and Miss Pussycat (1998-present)

R

***Ray Davis (2004–2006)

Richard Campanella, Tulane historical geographer, (2016)

Russell Simmons (2011)

S

Sade (2011)

Sebastian Bach (2003)

Sick Rick (1999)

Smashing Pumpkins (1991–1996)

Steven Seagal

T

***Todd Rundgren (2013)

***Tony Clifton / Bob Zmuda (2013)

Trent Reznor (2000–2006)

TV on the Radio (2004–2006)

U

***UNLV (2014)

W

Weird Al Yankovich (1998)

QUICK: Ratt, White Zombie, Todd Barry, Tracey Ullman, Vince Vaughn, Warren G

Y

Yngwei Malmsteen (1999)

BUNCHA QUICK EXTRA ONES!

– Al Roker, Bret Michals, Cramps, Dame Dash, Debbi Harry

– Carrot Top, DJ Paul Oakenfold, DJ Shadow, Earl Sweatshirt, Ernie K-Doe

– DJ Jubilee, EYEHATEGOD, The Meters, Hurray for the Riff Raff, Irma Thomas, Katey Red & Mayor Mitch Landrieu

– Buckwheat Zydeco, Ed Helms, Ellen Barkin, Hot Water Music, Hulk Hogan

– Jan Hooks (SNL), Gov Edwards, Jon BonJovi, Lydia Lunch, Lloyd Bridges

– Ray Nagin, Judy Tenuta, Linda Hamilton, Mark Wahlberg, Mike Patton, Mastodon, Pointer Sisters

– 5’8”, Assuck, Bingo, Bra1n1ac, Dalek, Dash Rip Rock, Elf Power, The Fucking Champs, Greg Ginn, Girl Talk, Home, Japanther, Killdozer, Little Dragon, Th MakeUp, Mike Dillon, ManMan/ Needs New Body, Of Montreal, Peelander Z, Q&P, Rebirth Brass Band, Radiators, Shudder to Think, TV on the Radio, TransAm, Thrones Walter Wolfman Washington


No. No way.

I forgot about this one.

After Katrina, the racist Jefferson Parish Police Department made action star Steven Seagal a deputy sheriff as part of a reality TV stunt. “I’ve been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people’s radar,” Seagal told the camera during the pilot. “I believe it’s important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana — to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in this post-Katrina environment.”

That last part is bullshit; During the decades that Louisiana held the title…

Famous People I Have Met

A document of encounters with around 100 folks whose names u likely know, by writer & journalist, Michael Patrick Welch. Some were great, some meh.

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